Hillary to Burn Haunted Pantsuits Worn during Failed 2016 Campaign

LAST UPDATED @ 2:35PM  (11.9.2016)

Hillary Clinton blames cursed pantsuits for her loss to Donald Trump.

Hillary Clinton | Wikipedia
Hillary wears one of the pantsuits to be burned while testifying before Congress on 10.22.2015.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, failed Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton announced she intended to burn all of the pantsuits she wore during her second failed run for the presidency. Secretary Clinton asserted her loss to Donald Trump was largely due to the pantsuits she wore being cursed.

"I am convinced Donald Trump beat me on Election Day because the pantsuits I wore throughout the campaign were haunted sentient beings that doomed me to fail," explained Secretary Clinton.


Trump Ahead of Clinton 100% to 0% in Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Volgograd

LAST UPDATED @ 12:45PM (11.3.2016)

Donald Trump boasts about polls showing he will get 100% of votes in key Russian cities.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)
VOLGOGRAD (The Nil Admirari) - The results of nine Russian polls were released today that showed Republican Donald Trump in a commanding lead over Democrat Hillary Clinton in Moscow, Saint Petersburg, and Volgograd. Every poll confirmed Trump would receive 100% of the votes in the three Russian cities, which are critical for Trump to win the White House.

"These polls are 100% accurate, and have no margin of error. Donald Trump is in commanding lead in race for American puppe... president," reported Sergei Propovski, spokesman for the Russian Ministry of Truth.


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