12.04.2016

Trump Fails to Assemble Cabinet Correctly

LAST UPDATED @ 2:50PM  (12.4.2016)

Trump fails to assemble kitchen cabinet set, quits project after nearly 20 minutes of causing irreparable damage.


Source: Cabinet Picture
Kitchen cabinet set President-elect Trump failed to assemble.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President-elect Trump took some time off from politics and went to one of his properties to help assemble a kitchen cabinet set. Trump confessed he wanted to do the project to "unwind," but after fifteen minutes it was clear he had failed to assemble the cabinets correctly and done irreparable damage to them.

"I don't want to know how to do it correctly. I'm going to do it my way," said Trump at the beginning of the project.

11.09.2016

Hillary to Burn Haunted Pantsuits Worn during Failed 2016 Campaign

LAST UPDATED @ 2:35PM  (11.9.2016)

Hillary Clinton blames cursed pantsuits for her loss to Donald Trump.

Hillary Clinton | Wikipedia
Hillary wears one of the pantsuits to be burned while testifying before Congress on 10.22.2015.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, failed Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton announced she intended to burn all of the pantsuits she wore during her second failed run for the presidency. Secretary Clinton asserted her loss to Donald Trump was largely due to the the pantsuits she wore being cursed.

"I am convinced Donald Trump beat me on Election Day because the pantsuits I wore throughout the campaign were haunted sentient beings that doomed me to fail," explained Secretary Clinton.

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