Trump to Hit Puerto Rico with Category 5 Ignorance, Insensitivity

LAST UPDATED @  10:16 (9.28.2017)

"This is the last thing Puerto Rico needs," said Governor Ricardo Rossell√≥ in reference to Hurricane Donald, which is expected to make landfall in Puerto Rico on Tuesday, October 3rd.

SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO (The Nil Admirari) - Hurricane Donald was reportedly closing in on Puerto Rico and projected to make landfall on Tuesday the White House confirmed. The storm is yet another disaster for the already storm-ravaged island and is expected to unleash Category 5 ignorance and insensitivity the entire time it is in Puerto Rico.

"This is the last thing Puerto Rico needs," said Puerto Rico Governor Ricardo Rosselló. "We just got hit by two storms and Donald's visit definitely won't help the people of Puerto Rico recover any faster."


Trump Drops Phone into Toilet Delaying War with North Korea

LAST UPDATED @ 3:51PM (6.30.2017)

Trump was going to declare war on North Korea via Twitter when he dropped his phone in the toilet.

Mr Trump's phone in the toilet. (Above)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Mr. Trump confirmed he dropped his cell phone into a toilet at 3:47am while preparing to evacuate his bowels of fast food. Trump was about to declare war on North Korea via Twitter when the incident occurred.

"I had my pants down and was just about to sit on the toilet when my cell phone jumped out of my hands and plopped right into the toilet. That's the phone that had the proof my inauguration crowds were the biggest ever," declared Trump.


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