10.27.2017

Trump Declares Victory Over Opioid Epidemic

LAST UPDATED @ 10:48AM  (10.27.2017)

Trump credits "big brain," "hugely big hands" for solving America's opioid epidemic.

Donald Trump declares victory in opioid crisis.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Donald Trump declared victory over the opioid crisis in America. Mr. Trump asserted his triumph during a press conference that conspicuously lacked evidence.

"The opioid epidemic is over. My very big brain and my hugely big hands fixed it," Trump told members of  the press assembled on the White House lawn.

10.16.2017

President McConnell of Kentucky Has Lunch with Trump

LAST UPDATED @ 3:56PM (10.16.2017)

"We had some very good discussions about how to bigly improve the future relationship between the United States and the great nation of Kentucky. Bigly," said Trump.

Screenshot taken from NBC News 10.16.2017.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Donald Trump had lunch with Mitch McConnell at the White House. Mr. Trump asserted it was an honor to sit with the president of Kentucky and talk about important matters to both countries.

"We had some very good discussions about how to bigly improve the future relationship between the United States and the great nation of Kentucky. Bigly," said Trump during a joint press conference.

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