6.30.2017

Trump Drops Phone into Toilet Delaying War with North Korea

LAST UPDATED @ 3:51PM (6.30.2017)

Trump was going to declare war on North Korea via Twitter when he dropped his phone in the toilet.

Mr Trump's phone in the toilet. (Above)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Mr. Trump confirmed he dropped his cell phone into a toilet at 3:47am while preparing to evacuate his bowels of fast food. Trump was about to declare war on North Korea via Twitter when the incident occurred.

"I had my pants down and was just about to sit on the toilet when my cell phone jumped out of my hands and plopped right into the toilet. That's the phone that had the proof my inauguration crowds were the biggest ever," declared Trump.

5.25.2017

Trump Says Russia Should be Invited to Join NATO

LAST UPDATED @ 12:38PM (5.25.2017)

Trump says Putin "hugely excited" about Russian Federation joining NATO in recent conversation.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

BRUSSELS (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Trump addressed leaders of the allied nations in NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organization). After calling America's NATO allies 'deadbeats' for not paying their dues, Trump suggested the Russian Federation should be invited to join the anti-Russia alliance.

"Once we get everyone paying up around here, I think Russia should be asked to join NATO. It's amazing no one else has come up with this idea before. It' so simple, and makes so much sense for both Europe and Russia, which has been treated so unfairly just like me," said Trump.

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