8.27.2016

Trump Screws American Small Businesses so Mexicans Can't

LAST UPDATED @ 12:28PM (8.27.2016)

Donald Trump says American small businesses prefer to be robbed and screwed over by fellow Americans.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump declared he routinely breached contracts with American small businesses and refused to pay them so Mexicans could not do the same.

"I always break contracts with American small businesses and refuse to pay them what I agreed to pay them. Better for me to rob and defraud my fellow Americans than some Mexicans," announced Trump at a campaign rally.

8.11.2016

George W. Bush Worried Trump Will Unseat Him as Worst President

LAST UPDATED @ 12:29PM (8.11.2016)

George W. Bush says it is unfair Donald Trump is challenging him for 'Worst President Ever.'

Donald Trump | Wikipedia
Trump at campaign rally in Arizona in June 2016. (Photo: Gage Skidmore)

CRAWFORD, TEXAS (The Nil Admirari) -  Earlier today, George W. Bush confirmed he was "super worried" Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump would defeat Hillary Clinton in November. The 43rd President of the United States identified his main worry as being Trump unseating him as the worst president in American history, and called such a challenge "unfair."

"I hope Donald Trump isn't elected president, because I think he'll be way worse than me. I know it didn't look like it, but I worked really hard to earn my title as the worst president the United States has ever had," said Bush at a hastily convened press conference at his Crawford, Texas ranch.

8.04.2016

ISIS Says Attacking Rio 2016 Olympics with Terrorism "Too Easy"

LAST UPDATED @ 9:34AM (8.4.2016)

The Islamic State says it will not attack the Rio 2016 Olympics, because it is 'too soft' a target.

2016 Summer Olympics | Wikipedia


RIO DE JANEIRO (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Islamic State (ISIS) announced it will not be attacking the Rio 2016 Olympics due to the event being "too easy" for it to terrorize. The extremist Muslim terrorist organization also declared it felt bad for Brazilians, because the deplorable security environment expected at the 2016 Summer Olympics showed they lack respect for themselves.

"ISIS will not be launching any terrorist attacks at the Rio 2016 Olympics. It's just too easy. Frankly, targeting Rio is beneath us, and we would actually lose cred with other terrorist organizations," declared a man in all black clothing, who was also wearing a mask.

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