Banks Urge Congress to Bring Back Indentured Servitude

LAST UPDATED @ 8:46PM (5.2.2016)

Banks say debt slaves should not be able to escape their obligations to pay their creditors like corporations can.

Indenture contract signed with an X by Henry Meyer in 1737.
(Public Domain Image)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, America's largest banks urged Congress to bring back indentured servitude to completely redistribute wealth from the poor and middle class to the richest Americans. The gargantuan banking institutions asserted it was not enough to financially ruin Americans that defaulted on predatory loans, and that their debts should be paid off through uncompensated labor.

"All we're asking for is that Americans work off their debts through labor given to a creditor for a set amount of time as dictated by a legally binding contract, which can be bought and sold at will by creditors," explained an anonymous source at JPMorgan Chase.

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An anonymous source at Bank of America added, "Let's be honest, indentured servitude is the next logical step in this economy where the rich rob everyone else by buying the government, and routinely engaging in fraud when the law is inconvenient."

"In the event Americans pay off their debt through their labor, they will once again be free to earn direct compensation for their labor. Otherwise, their kids may have to work their debt off for as long as it takes," said an anonymous source at Citigroup.

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"Numerous states have reintroduced unconstitutional debtors' prisons to punish poor Americans who have no way of paying punitive legal debts. Indentured servitude is a step up from that," concluded an anonymous source from Wells Fargo.

Congress appeared open to the suggestion of bring back indentured servitude so American citizens could not use bankruptcy as a shield the way corporations did.