Trump Opens Negotiations with Canada to Sell Wisconsin

LAST UPDATED @ 11:13AM (4.6.2016)

Trump announces he is selling Wisconsin to Canada after a majority of voters in the state's Republican presidential primary election decided they liked Ted Cruz better.

Wisconsin - Wikipedia
Wisconsin, in light pink. (Above)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Republican presidential frontrunner and obviously bald billionaire Donald Trump confirmed reports he had opened negotiations with Canada to sell Wisconsin. Trump disclosed he was eager to be rid of Wisconsin after he lost the primary election there last night, and asserted Canada was very interested in making Wisconsin its newest province.

"As everyone knows, Wisconsin treated me very unfairly last night by voting for that loser Ted Cruz. Unbelievably unfairly, actually. I don't think anyone in the history of the world has been treated more unfairly than me with what Wisconsin just did to me," explained Trump.

Trump continued, "I'm going to be president, and everyone knows it. I am just using the authority I will have as president a little early. This is going to be a hugely great deal, just an amazing deal."

"I just couldn't be sworn in as President of the United States if I knew Wisconsin was still a part of the Union," confessed Trump. "And Prime Minister Trudeau is very excited about Wisconsin."

An unidentified member of the press asked Mr. Trump if anyone had told him he completely lacked the authority to sell Wisconsin.

"I have a pretty good brain, and know what I am doing. I am also buying the naming rights to Wisconsin," replied Trump.

TNA learned Wisconsin would be renamed "Trump Whitelandia" when it became Canada's eleventh province.


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