Hillary Clinton Concedes to Sanders, Cites Best Interests of America

LAST UPDATED @ 3:56PM (4.2.2016)

Hillary Clinton concedes the Democratic presidential nomination to Bernie Sanders.

Hillary Clinton testifying before House Select Committee on Benghazi. (Above)
(Public Domain Image)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she was conceding the Democratic presidential nomination to her rival U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont. Clinton said the concession was prompted by her realization the United States was at a crossroads for social and economic justice, and she was ill-equipped to handle the challenges as a corporate-friendly Democrat completely out of touch with the struggles of everyday Americans.

"I think everyone knows I am not the person to deal with rampant income inequality and ineffective regulation of corporations, because I am pretty much a corporate-owned entity. Anyone who is aware of my large donors from the fossil fuel, financial, and defense industries knows that," declared Clinton, who shrugged at the concept of anyone not knowing of her corruption.

Secretary Clinton continued, "I won't stop wealth from being redistributed from the poorest to the richest. I won't regulate industries my major donors work in. There will be more drilling for fossil fuels, no meaningful regulation of Wall Street, and I am a hawk that will wage perpetual war for my war-profiteer friends."

"Want the War on Drugs, mandatory prison sentences, and mass incarceration to end? asked Clinton. "Well, I don't. I believe in tough enforcement of drug laws, and take money from people who run for-profit prisons that are dependent on a steady supply of criminals to incarcerate."

An unidentified member of the press asked Secretary Clinton if she could recall other examples of how out of touch she was with Americans, and the completely wrong person to lead the United States of America at such a pivotal time in its history.

"I don't think we have time to go through them all, but two big ones are me opposing authentic universal healthcare and me being against investing in America's future by providing free public college to its students," replied Clinton.


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