Republican Congress Passes Bill to Abduct Trump, Exile Him to Moon

LAST UPDATED @ 7:01PM (3.2.2016)

Republican Congress passes legislation to kidnap GOP presidential frontrunner Donald Trump and exile him to the moon.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Congress passed a bill to abduct Republican presidential frontrunner and xenophobic billionaire Donald Trump, put him in a rocket, and send that rocket to the moon. Republicans promised Trump could be president of the moon, and he would have his own place on the lunar surface.

"Republicans expect President Obama to sign the legislation to secure Donald Trump, strap him onto a rocket, and exile him to the moon for the rest of his life," declared Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.

McConnell continued, "Donald Trump can be president of the moon, because he sure as hell isn't going to be the Republican presidential nominee. Idiotic Republican voters have forced us to take this action."

"House Republicans demand President Obama sign the legislation to send Donald Trump to the moon. Trump is a major national security threat that must be addressed," said House Speaker Paul Ryan.

Trump asserted he would not be taken alive during any attempted abduction of him, and President Obama demanded something in return for signing the legislation to send Trump to the moon.

"I will sign the bill Congress has sent me after the U.S. Senate confirms my Supreme Court nominee," replied Obama. "How badly do you guys want Donald Trump to be on the moon?"


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