New Passport Applications Surge as Hillary and Trump Matchup Likely

LAST UPDATED @ 10:59AM (3.24.2016)

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are convincing a large number of Americans to acquire passports and take extended vacations outside of the United States rather than vote for one of them.

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WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the U.S. Department of State reported a 300,000% surge in new passport applications. The State Department attributed the surge to the increasingly likely presidential matchup between former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and current xenophobic billionaire Donald Trump.

"The State Department has witnessed an unprecedented 300,000% increase in new applications for passports. Most Americans cited an overwhelming feeling of dread related to the presidential election as their reason for needing a passport as soon as possible," stated U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Tony Blinken.

Blinken continued, "And a large majority of those Americans specifically named Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump as the main reasons an extended vacation outside of the United States may be in order very soon."

"Another major concern for Americans seeking passports was selecting a country to visit that the United States will not be at war with under Clinton or Trump. Tough choice there," explained Blinken.

"Many of the same Americans were talking like they would not be coming back to the United States anytime soon. The Caribbean, Canada, and Europe better get ready for them," said Blinken.

Blinken disclosed there was also a large wave of passport renewal requests, and added, "I've never seen a presidential election persuade so many Americans to leave rather than vote."


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