88% of Americans Want to Murder Two-Party Political System

LAST UPDATED @ 5:29PM (3.17.2016)

A vast majority of Americans would like to personally murder the two-party political system in the United States that routinely pits the Republican Party against the Democratic Party.

Presidential Election 2012 - Wikipedia
Americans are homicidally tired of "Team Red" and "Team Blue."
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WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the results of a TNA study on the two-party political system in the United States of America were released. The study discovered approximately 88% of Americans favored personally murdering the two-party system in the United States, though there was significant disagreement about where to commit the murder and what weapon to utilize.

"88% of Americans are tired of the two-party political system in the United States, and would love to murder it. Both parties are viewed as ineffectual and untrustworthy, and the prevailing opinion is that two political parties cannot possibly serve the massive spectrum of political beliefs held by over 300 million Americans," reported Senior TNA Researcher Dick Schneider

Schneider continued, "46% of surveyed Americans thought the lounge was the optimal place for the murder, though they were impossibly divided about whether the wrench or the pipe, or something else, was the best tool to kill the two-party system by revenge-fueled blunt force trauma."

"32% thought the conservatory was the best place to perpetrate the murder, but there was much disagreement on whether the knife or the revolver was the best way to kill the duplicitous two-party system," explained Schneider, who noted there were groups with even more ideas.

An unidentified member of the press asked Schneider if he learned anything from how Americans wanted to murder the two-party political system.

"A two-party system is unrealistic in the debate over how to plan the murder of the two-party system," replied Schneider.


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