Trump Threatens to "Fire" New Hampshire from America if He Loses

LAST UPDATED @ 11:15AM (2.8.2016)

Donald Trump threatens to "fire" New Hampshire from America if he loses the state's Republican presidential primary on Tuesday, and warns it is already too late for Iowa not to be fired even though he remains convinced he actually won there.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and renowned xenophobic billionaire Donald Trump threatened to "fire" New Hampshire from America if he did not win the Republican primary there on Tuesday. Trump also vowed to fire all of the states he lost during the Republican presidential primaries and caucuses when he became president.

"I really don't want to do it, but New Hampshire better be fair to me or it's going to hear me say 'you're fired' when I become president. If New Hampshire is nice to me, I will be nice to New Hampshire and let it stay in America," explained Trump.

Trump continued, "Iowa is already on my list of huge losers to be kicked out of America after it allegedly chose Ted Cruz over me... I still think I won there."

"Anyway, my America definitely doesn't need Iowa, and my America will totally not need New Hampshire if I don't win there," threatened Trump.

A unidentified member of the press asked Trump if he could predict how many states the United States would retain when he was president.

"We'll have 50, because Iowa will be replaced with Puerto Rico and everyone knows I will win every state from here on out," replied Trump.


The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.