Sarah Palin Promised Secretary of Defense for Trump Endorsement

LAST UPDATED @ 5:45PM (1.21.2016)

President Trump and Secretary of Defense Sarah Palin would not require anyone else to authorize the use of nuclear weapons against "wherever."

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a source inside the Republican presidential campaign of loose cannon billionaire Donald Trump announced former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin had been promised the position of Secretary of Defense in exchange for her endorsement of Trump for president. Trump addressed the press within minutes of the leak, and explained he did not want a Secretary of Defense who would ask questions or present any informed reality-based opposition when he ordered the use of nuclear weapons against "wherever."

"The person who leaked my promise to Sarah Palin that she can be Secretary of Defense is so unbelievably fired. Sarah has been very nice to me, and I am going to be very nice to Sarah," declared Trump, who asserted Sarah Palin was "a hugely smart and talented lady.

Trump continued, "Sarah won't bother me with liberal questions or real-world concerns about the consequences when I tell her she is going to confirm my order to nuke, you know, wherever."

"Secretary of Defense Sarah Palin will let the liberals and the losers sort out all of that while she helps President Trump lead by rubber stamping the use of nukes," asserted Trump.

An unidentified member of the press asked Trump if he was concerned he would lose some of his supporters by naming someone with no experience Secretary of Defense.

"My supporters think a billionaire businessman with no experience is qualified to be president. I'm pretty sure Sarah Palin can be Secretary of Defense," replied Trump.


The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.