Gopher Infestation Cause of Increase in Earthquakes in Oklahoma

LAST UPDATED @ 7:52PM (1.9.2016)

Study blames insidious invasion of gophers for sharp rise in earthquakes in Oklahoma over last decade, and dismisses fracking as the cause.

Mary Fallin - Wikipedia
Governor of Oklahoma Mary Fallin.

OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Governor of Oklahoma Mary Fallin (R) declared the staggering increase in the frequency and strength of earthquakes in Oklahoma was not caused by hydraulic fracturing conducted by the oil and gas industry, but by an insidious gopher infestation. Fallin pledged to eradicate the earthquake-causing gophers, but warned citizens their state had likely been irreversibly damaged by the furry tunnelers and may permanently unseat California as the most earthquake-prone state in the Lower 48.

"A brand new scientific study clearly shows hundreds of millions of gophers are responsible for turning Oklahoma from a state with a couple of earthquakes per year into one with over 900 earthquakes of magnitude 3.0 or higher just in 2015," explained Fallin, who warned the gopher population would reach one billion if the "little critters" and their earthquake-causing ways were not stopped.

Fallin continued, "While it is true fracking by the oil and gas industry increased in Oklahoma over the same ten-year period, there is absolutely no link between the two. The increase in hydraulic fracking actually corresponded with an explosive increase in the gopher population."

"And I pledge to eradicate the gopher population responsible for creating so many earthquakes in our proud state," said Fallin, who governed a state founded as a reservation for Native Americans.

An unidentified member of the press asked Governor Fallin to address her critics, who charged the scientific study blaming gophers for earthquakes was nothing more than "junk science."

"Junk science is believing earthquakes are caused by the act of shooting toxic water deep into the ground to fracture rock and release oil or gas," replied Fallin.


The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.