Turkey Buying Oil from Small Businessmen in All-Black Clothing

LAST UPDATED @ 8:56PM (12.16.2015)

Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan
In 2013, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan was Prime Minister of Turkey.

ANKARA, TURKEY (The Nil Admirari) -  Earlier today, an anonymous high-ranking source inside the Turkish government informed TNA that Turkey was illegally purchasing oil from small businessmen wearing all-black clothing. The source asserted many of the small businessmen were very likely active members of the Islamic State (ISIS), a charge Turkey quickly denied.

"Turkey is purchasing oil from men who all seem to have identical preferences for Toyota trucks and black clothing with "ISIS" written in Arabic all over it. Agents of Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, the President of Turkey, conduct daily business with these people, who they claim are 'enterprising small businessmen,'" explained the anonymous source.

The anonymous source added, "President Erdoğan and his political allies are using the authority of the Turkish state to directly profit from their black market oil dealings with these alleged enterprising small businessmen."

President Erdoğan demanded TNA identify its anonymous source so he could "painstakingly investigate the very serious, and almost certainly false, charges of a person who has volunteered to be executed."

TNA has informed President Erdoğan it would not identify its source, and it has joined many Turkish news media organizations on the Turkish government's blacklist.


The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.