Trump Suspends GOP Presidential Campaign, Chastises Supporters

LAST UPDATED @ 2:25PM (12.23.2015)

Trump confesses Republican presidential campaign was master political satire, chastises supporters for cheering increasingly extreme rhetoric.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced he was "giving America an early Christmas present" and suspended his campaign. Trump confessed his presidential run was the type of theater only a master political satirist like him could pull off, and chastised his supporters for thinking such a detestable and bigoted character should be President of the Unites States of America.

"I just can't do it anymore. It's so exhausting listening to you people whine about blacks, and Muslims, and women, and so many other things. And everyone pretending so hard that they are not huge bigots willing to destroy the personal freedoms they claim to cherish just so they can hurt others and feel a little safer," declared Trump, who was so pleased with his performance he was glowing.

Trump added, "Trump the Republican presidential candidate was a huge loser who complained about everything like a child and never took responsibility for what he said or did. He was the perfect example of what is wrong with the GOP. Seriously, your party is so much more broken than I thought it was when I took a friend's bet that I couldn't keep this act going until right before Christmas."

"A database of citizens to track people based on their race or religion? Blocking Syrian refugees from seeking asylum in the United States as they flee from ISIS? Applauding my suggestion we should kill the families of terrorists? Are you people insane?" inquired Trump, who appeared to be horrified by how far his supporters were willing to defend his increasingly extreme rhetoric.

"Violence begets violence. And Trump supporters cheer fanatical policies that multiply our enemies, and rely on keeping the American people full of hate and fear. You supported a guy who went 'full Adolf Hitler' in rhetoric. Everyone knows you never go full Adolf Hitler, except for a large group of pro-fascism Americans in the Republican Party, apparently," said Trump.

"America needs to wake up and see there is a very dangerous right-wing fanaticism out there that wants to create a Christian theocracy, and destroy our republic and the liberties those same fanatics claim to defend," warned Trump, who had stopped smiling a while ago.

Trump informed TNA he was getting $20 for winning the bet with his friend, and advised the GOP "to drop the fascism."


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