Ted Cruz Eager for Donald Trump's Sloppy Seconds

LAST UPDATED @ 8:43PM (12.9.2015)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and U.S. Senator Ted Cruz of Texas declared he was avoiding political attacks on opponent and billionaire Donald Trump in order to woo Trump's supporters after they have dumped Trump. Cruz conceded it was critical for him to gain the support of what he called "the growing fascist segment of the Republican Party."

"I love Donald Trump, and we're like best friends. I don't wish him ill, and I think he would be an excellent Constitution-stomping and Muslim-murdering commander-in-chief," stated Cruz, who tried his best to act like a person with a vast array of functioning emotions.

Senator Cruz added, "Having said that, I think I would be a pretty awesome president, too. I am totally behind stopping Muslims from coming into America, trampling liberty in the name of security, and killing as many foreigners as it takes to keep Americans safe."

Senator Ted Cruz speaking at the 2014 CPAC in Maryland. (Above) 
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

"I will also adopt every single Trump policy. That's regardless of how racist or sexist it is, or how much it encourages enthusiastic freedom-loving Americans to use violence against anyone who is not white or Christian enough," promised Cruz.

Cruz also pledged America's Christians would have a privileged place in government and society "until all the real and imagined enemies of the state and Christianity are eliminated and force Christians to fight each other."

"But that is way down the line. So no worries yet, fellow Christians of blasphemous and ungodly sects," assured Cruz, as he shamelessly pandered to like-minded Republican fascists.


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