"I am pretty honored to speak in front of you all today to unveil this cow dung bust of me, which honors my legacy of endless war and war profiteering. It doesn't even smell that bad, and I am wondering if only the outside is dyed white or all of the cow dung is dyed white," declared Cheney, who ducked as a fresh volley of shoes was thrown at him.
Cheney added, "It's weird that this thing is smiling, though. I don't do that. Anyway, I want to use this occasion to remind all Americans that I kept them safe, except on 9/11, of course. But after that, all the torturing and the wars that made me and my friends rich also kept you ungrateful wretches safe."
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| Cheney speaks at Camp Anaconda, Iraq in 2008. Credit: Magnus Manske |
George W. Bush honored Cheney by stating, "I'm sure glad the Iraqis were throwing shoes at Dick and not me this time. I just found out it is not a compliment like I thought, but a show of strong disrespect. I still don't get why Iraqis would be mad at either of us."
Near the end of his verbal remarks, Cheney confessed, "I can definitely smell a little cow manure now."