U.S. Vows to Bomb More Civilian Targets After Paris Attacks

LAST UPDATED @ 2:18PM (11.14.2015)

President Obama promises civilians in the Middle East will suffer the consequences for Islamic extremists attacking civilians in the West.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) -  Earlier today, the White House announced it planned to indiscriminately bomb "way more" civilian targets in the Middle East than it had been prior to the terrorist attacks in Paris last night. President Obama explained air strikes that resulted in significant collateral damage were "the only way" to show the West's enemies that targeting civilians outside of the Middle East was completely unacceptable.

"We will be striking way more civilian targets in the Middle East to show our enemies that attacking civilians is unacceptable," stated President Obama.

Obama added, "Attacking civilians outside of the Middle East, that is. Because we will be continuing to bomb civilian targets there every day."

President Obama speaks to Congress in February 2009.

"I promise that civilians in the Middle East will learn what happens when Islamic extremists attack civilians in the West," vowed Obama.

President Obama ignored a question from an unidentified member of the press regarding "a perpetual cycle of violence."

All of the Republican presidential candidates condemned the president for not killing more civilians in the Middle East.


The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.