TPP to Protect American Freedom to Drink Poisonous Fracking Water

LAST UPDATED @ 7:55PM (11.23.2015)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, President Obama spoke about how the Trans-Pacific Partnership - a massive multinational trade deal the president intends to sign - will protect the freedom of all Americans to drink poisonous fracking water. President Obama announced TPP will allow natural gas companies to sue the United States so they can overturn fracking bans and extract natural gas by pumping poisonous water into the ground, resulting in contaminated aquifers and other public water sources.

"The Trans-Pacific Partnership will protect the freedom of every American to drink water that has been contaminated by hydraulic fracturing water used to break shale rock and release natural gas from the ground. This fracking water is some really nasty stuff, and very poisonous to humans," explained President Obama, who confessed he did not know what was in the fracking water, but he did know the water could be set on fire.

The president continued, "TPP will make it impossible for the government to protect Americans, and the water they drink, from oil and natural gas corporations, because those corporations can sue all levels of American government simply because a ban on fracking negatively impacts their projected profits."

President Obama speaks to Congress in February 2009.

"Let me be clear. Any legislation that protects the environment or the general public health by banning fracking becomes useless when I sign the TPP. Get ready for you drinking water to be contaminated and undrinkable courtesy of a corporation pumping poison into the ground," stated Obama.

President Obama ignored a question from an unidentified member of the press requesting specifics on the investor-state tribunals operated by corporate lawyers and located outside of the United States that corporations could use to sue the American government.

"I think Americans should just focus on their freedom to drink poisonous fracking water," said Obama, who subsequently asked if anyone had any questions related to Syria.


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