Hawkish Hillary Considering Dick Cheney for Secretary of State

LAST UPDATED @ 9:19PM (11.2.2015)

Former Vice President Dick Cheney would hand deliver declarations of war to the many countries Hillary Clinton intends to invade during her two terms as president.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, presumptuous Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she was considering Dick Cheney for her old job at the U.S. Department of State. Clinton explained Cheney "made sense" as Secretary of State since her foreign policy would resemble the Cheney-inspired preemptive war policy used by President George W. Bush, and pointed to her consistent record of wanting to go to war with countries predominantly located in - or near - the Middle East and North Africa.

"I voted to authorize war in Iraq in 2002. I also pressed President Obama to escalate the situation in Ukraine way more than he did, and tried to convince him to send American ground forces to Syria way before he decided to finally do it last week," stated Clinton, who reminded Americans her record as a warmongering cheerleader for the military-industrial complex was "as plain as day, and easy to find with minimal effort."

 "Defense.gov photo essay 091203-N-0696M-239" by U.S. Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Chad J. McNeeley.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. (Above)
(Photo: U.S. Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Chad J. McNeeley)

Clinton continued, "At the only Democratic presidential debate thus far, I called Iran one of my enemies, and I am probably going to come up with a pretext to invade Iran really fast after becoming president. Former Vice President Dick Cheney tried to use his lies to get Americans to support invading Iran after that whole Iraq thing, so he is a logical choice to push war with Iran as my Secretary of State."

"Dick Cheney will hand deliver America's declaration of war to Iran, and to every other country I plan on invading during my two terms as president. He will be America's official messenger of death and wars of choice, and not just work behind the scenes like a snake as he did under George W. Bush," explained Clinton.

Former Vice President Cheney was having a steak dinner with some of his friends from Halliburton when he learned Clinton was considering him for Secretary of State, and stated, "Like most Americans, I really don't like Hillary. But we have definitely always agreed on what countries to invade and people to kill."

Cheney remained mum on whether he would accept Clinton's offer to become Secretary of State, and Secretary Clinton informed TNA she was also thinking about Iraq war architects Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz for the post.


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