Corporate Media: War "Wicked Awesome" & ISIS "Very Scary"

LAST UPDATED @ 7:11PM (11.19.2015)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the corporate media in the United States urged Americans "to remember how wicked awesome and fun" going to war was when President George W. Bush invaded Iraq in 2003 with absolutely no plan for what to do afterward. For those unconvinced, spurious corporate journalists like everyone on Fox News and CNN's Wolf Blitzer spent the day fearmonging, and interviewed a slew of pro-war guests to convince Americans the Islamic State (ISIS) was so scary the United States must immediately send ground troops back to the Middle East.

"Americans must accept that the government can't protect them from ISIS, and you need to be afraid. So not only do we have to go to all-out war with ISIS in Syria, Iraq, and wherever else they are, but all Americans need to buy a gun and stop being 'soft targets' for ISIS," explained Fox News' Greg Gutfield, who smiled like a childhood bully following a successful shakedown.

Gutfield added, "Everyone just needs to tell President Obama and his liberal allies to stop being such cowards. The United States needs to go to war with ISIS so it can kill all the people who hate us, and leave the young survivors of our unthinking aggression to be the next generation of American haters."

"Wicked awesome" American tanks in Baghdad, Iraq in November 2003.
Credit: Technical Sergeant John L. Houghton, Jr., United States Air Force.

Not to be outdone, CNN's Wolf Blitzer declared, "Everyone needs to remember how wicked awesome and fun war is. I got to hold a gas mask in 2003 while covering the invasion of Iraq from Kuwait. We totally need ground forces back in the Middle East."

"But don't take my word for it. I have been interviewing so many retired military officers, and dozens of garden variety warmongers from Congress, right-wing think tanks, and wherever else I could find them. They agree war is fun," argued a very excited Blitzer.

Blitzer begged CNN viewers to support a new war so he could go on an exciting trip to the Middle East so he could have minimal access to events on the ground, but pretend to be an actual journalist, anyway.


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