Jeb Admits He Didn't Know Definition of "Safe" Until Today

LAST UPDATED @ 1:31PM (10.18.2015)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush confessed he didn't actually know what the word "safe" meant until today. The revealing admission followed Jeb's incessant statements asserting his brother - former President George W. Bush - "kept us safe" despite nearly 3,000 Americans being killed in the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001.

"I think it is clear that I didn't actually know what the word 'safe' meant until today. This morning, one of my campaign staffers did a Moogle search or something, and finally showed me what the definition of 'safe' is," explained Bush, who appeared to be fascinated by the ease with which all his confusion had been remedied.

Jeb Bush speaking at the 2015 Conservative Political Action
Conference (CPAC) in February 2015. (Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Bush added, "Now I know why everyone is calling me out for continuously claiming my brother kept us safe. My brother actually did the complete opposite of keeping America safe on September 11th, and I apologize profusely for pretending that he did."

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"I also readily admit that if a Democrat had been in office during the attacks on September 11th that the Republican Party would never drop it as an issue, and would still be investigating President Gore or whoever today," stated Bush.

George W. Bush announced he would defend himself and his actions prior to, during, and after the attacks on September 11th during a speech to a veterans group being charged $150,000 to hear him speak.

Jeb Bush promised Americans he would "stop being such a huge jackass" regarding his brother's primary failure as president, namely keeping Americans safe on September 11th, 2001.


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