Hillary to Wag Finger at Wall Street CEOs, Save Economy

Last Updated @ 12:25PM (10.17.2015)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she would wag her dominate index finger at every Wall Street CEO to attend a fundraising dinner this evening in East Hampton, New York. Clinton declared her wagging finger would put the corruption of Wall Street on notice, and prevent another economic crisis just like her "cut it out" discussion with Wall Street in December 2007 averted the 2008 economic crisis.

"I intend to put Wall Street on notice tonight by vigorously wagging my finger at each one of my rich friends and donors. We don't need to reinstitute old regulatory legislation like Glass-Steagall when my wagging finger can make Wall Street feel guilty about making so much money and sticking taxpayers with the bill when the pyramid scheme inevitably collapses," stated Clinton.

 "Defense.gov photo essay 091203-N-0696M-239" by U.S. Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Chad J. McNeeley.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. (Above)
(Photo: U.S. Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Chad J. McNeeley)

Clinton continued, "So I intend to do essentially nothing about the 'too big to fail' financial institutions that caused the 2008 economic crisis, which are even bigger today. Massive fraud has become a legitimate business model in America and around the world, and I have absolutely no plans to change that or address the resulting economic inequality."

"So you may want to vote for that old Jewish guy... Barley... Sanders? Whatever, it doesn't matter... My Wall Street friends don't like him, and they are willing to give me millions to make sure they can continue rigging the financial system and keep the vast majority of wealth at the top with them," explained Clinton.

Secretary Clinton eventually recalled Democratic presidential rival Senator Bernie Sanders' name, but again asserted "it doesn't matter."

Senator Sanders called Clinton's finger-wagging plan "a sick joke made by a thoroughly corrupt politician."


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