Carson "Wouldn't Just Stand There" If Nuclear Warhead Dropped on Him

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson announced he "wouldn't just stand there" if a nuclear warhead was dropped on him. Carson stated he "didn't care" whether the nuclear warhead "came from Russia or Ethiopa or wherever," because he "would stop it" and not allow himself "to become a victim like all those unarmed Americans who have died in America's plague of mass shootings."

"If someone tried to drop a nuclear warhead on me, there is no way I would just stand there. I would begin yelling at the warhead to disorient it as it came closer, tell everyone around me to run for safety or shoot at it if they were armed, and then just deactivate it once it hit the ground," explained Carson, who said "it wouldn't be brain surgery," and dismissed reporters who told him nuclear warheads never reached the ground before exploding.

Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson. (Above)

Carson added, "It doesn't matter, anyway. I am fireproof and immune to nuclear warheads. Well, only if the nuclear warhead contains uranium-235. I am totally vulnerable to plutonium-239, and the Christian god would need to help me out on that one. None of that Allah bullcrap, because I'd rather be incinerated."

"I am not mocking or blaming unarmed victims of mass shootings, who would have also totally just stood there and gotten blown up by a nuclear warhead dropped on them rather than be brave like me," stated Carson.

As they did after Carson blamed unarmed Jews for the Holocaust, Fox News and other extreme right-wing propaganda outlets defended Carson's statements.


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