Lindsey Graham's Campaign Selling Fireworks on Iowa Roadside

BOONE, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - The campaign of Republican presidential candidate Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has been selling illegal fireworks by a roadside in Boone, Iowa for the last few days. Graham stated his struggling campaign was "thinking outside the box" for ways to raise money and allow Iowans to meet him in person.

"I am performing a patriotic service by selling fireworks to my fellow Americans who want to celebrate Independence Day. It's just an added bonus that I am also raising money for my presidential run," stated Graham, who swore it was all well within campaign finance law.

Col. Lindsey Graham (Top Right) receives Meritorious Service Medal in April 2009.

Graham refused to disclose who had supplied him with the fireworks, which he referred to as "big mommas" and were illegal under Iowa law.

"Well, I didn't get them from the Islamic State, which I will wage a long and bloody war against as president," said Graham as three Iowa State Patrol cruisers pulled up to his makeshift fireworks stand.

Senator Graham was last seen having a lively discussion with five patrolmen who were all asking him to "calm down."


The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.