"Good Guy with a Gun" Had Day Off During Louisiana Shooting

LAFAYETTE, LOUISIANA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Nation Rifle Association (NRA) announced the "good guy with a gun" who was supposed to be protecting a movie theater in Lafayette, Louisiana had the day off. The NRA explained how Jim-Bob Turner requested Thursday, July 23rd off two weeks in advance, but due to a "scheduling oversight" forgot to have his shift covered by another "good guy with a gun" at the theater where two people were killed by a "bad guy with a gun."

"If Mr. Turner had been at the theater on his regularly scheduled Thursday, or had properly covered his shift with another 'good guy with a gun,' this tragedy would have been avoided," stated NRA Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre on how right-wing extremist and "bad guy with a gun" John Russell Houser was successful in his attack.

"Bad Guy with a Gun" John Russell Houser was also a right-wing extremist, and the NRA says he was only
successful in his attack on a movie theater in Louisiana due to the "Good Guy with a Gun" having the day off.

LaPierre added, "If only one of the victims or someone else in that theater had the courage to bring a gun and defend themselves last night this could have been avoided. Once again, the shortage of guns and gun owners in America has been proven to be a deadly mistake."

"You never think this thing can happen in a state like Louisiana where I have made sure we have some of the most lax gun control laws in America," said Republican presidential candidate and Governor of Louisiana Piyush "Bobby" Jindal.

The White House released a statement from President Obama that stated, "I'd ask these people if they were ready for real gun control, but if twenty dead children won't do it then this definitely won't."