Hillary Frantically Hides Wall Street Money Under Mattress

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was observed frantically trying to hide Wall Street cash donations under her bedroom mattress. Elderly neighbors also reported Clinton was saying something about "that damn democratic socialist from Vermont."

"I don't think I can get it all under here," Hillary told former President Bill Clinton - her husband. Witnesses said hundred dollar bills were strewn all over the floor as more fell out from underneath the mattress.

 "Defense.gov photo essay 091203-N-0696M-239" by U.S. Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Chad J. McNeeley.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. (Above)
(Photo: U.S. Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Chad J. McNeeley)

"You can bury the rest under the mattress in my bedroom," suggested Bill.

"Yeah... I am not going in there," replied an agitated Hillary. "I told you we didn't have enough hiding spots to have a cash-only policy for Wall Street donors."

"Well, if you are going to pretend to be a populist candidate against Bernie Sanders we have to hide the fact you are in Wall Street's pocket," explained Bill, who asked Hillary "just to trust me for once."

At press time, neighbors reported Hillary was hiding some Wall Street cash inside a bag of peas in the freezer, but had a long way to go.

Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont condemned Hillary Clinton's "deplorable corruption" while former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley said he really wanted people to know he was running for the Democratic nomination for president, too.


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