GOP Unveils "More Guns, More Guns, More Guns" Agenda

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Congressional Republicans announced their "More Guns, More Guns, More Guns" agenda to the American people this afternoon in response to the deadly shooting at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church that killed nine black churchgoers. The legislative goal of the agenda is to make it mandatory for all American citizens over the age of 16 to own a gun for self-protection.

"Republicans know Congress has been heavily criticized for doing absolutely nothing in the wake of a plague of gun violence. We even did nothing when twenty first-grade students and six staff members were shot and killed at Sandy Hook Elementary in December 2012," said Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH).

Boehner added, "We aren't going to be caught flat-footed after the Wednesday night attack at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina. We aren't blaming the victims, but we are saying more guns are needed to remedy gun violence."

Republicans claimed the above map reinforced their argument for more guns.

All Republican presidential candidates have endorsed the "More Guns, More Guns, More Guns" agenda, except Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) who said the cut-off age for mandatory gun ownership should be 10.

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) enthusiastically endorsed the legislative agenda and stated, "Republican have given this a lot of thought. This week's shooting at a church shows what happens when Americans are not required to own a gun."

No Republican would go on the record and comment on whether race was a factor in the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church shooting.


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