Trump Drops Phone into Toilet Delaying War with North Korea

LAST UPDATED @ 3:51PM (6.30.2017)

Trump was going to declare war on North Korea via Twitter when he dropped his phone in the toilet.

Mr Trump's phone in the toilet. (Above)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Mr. Trump confirmed he dropped his cell phone into a toilet at 3:47am while preparing to evacuate his bowels of fast food. Trump was about to declare war on North Korea via Twitter when the incident occurred.

"I had my pants down and was just about to sit on the toilet when my cell phone jumped out of my hands and plopped right into the toilet. That's the phone that had the proof my inauguration crowds were the biggest ever," declared Trump.

Trump continued, "Also bigly important, the tweet declaring war on North Korea was all ready to go when this disaster happened. This is a bigly delay for the American arms industry."

"Now war will have to wait until I get a new phone. I've been told it could take weeks, which just shows you government really doesn't work and is for losers," complained Trump.

Dozens of anonymous sources from inside and outside of the White House confirmed there was a concerted effort to delay Trump receiving a new phone.

"War with North Korea is going to be amazing, and there will be so much winning. Believe me," promised Trump.


The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.