Donald Trump will release evidence President Obama illegally wiretapped Trump Tower once it is found and can be safely extracted from his ass.
"I have the very real and shocking evidence of President Obama illegally wiretapping Trump Tower, but have temporarily lost it up my ass," Trump told a preselected group of news organizations that had recently said nice things about him.
Trump continued, "As soon as I find the evidence again the American people will see what a horrible person and fraud President Obama is. Believe me. The evidence is all tippy top and bigly real, but currently in my ass."
"I lose stuff in my posterior all the time. It also happens to be the part of my body I was talking out of when I made the wiretapping accusation early Saturday morning on Twitter," confessed Trump.
Breitbart journalist Eva Hitlermann asked Trump if he could give the American people an estimate on when the evidence of illegal wiretapping would be extracted from his ass.
"These things take time, especially at my age. The American people will get evidence of illegal wiretapping by Obama when it's ready to come out," replied Trump.