Michael Flynn Wins Russian Atomic Medal of Honor

LAST UPDATED @ 2:03PM (3.31.2016)

Putin insists former National Security Advisor Michael Fynn travel to Russia to claim the newly-created Atomic Medal of Honor prior to talking to Congress and the FBI.

Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn was briefly Trump's National Security Advisor.

MOSCOW, RUSSIA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Kremlin announced it had invited Ex National Security Advisor Michael Flynn to Moscow in order to award him the Atomic Medal of Honor.

The Kremlin explained the newly-created award was designed specifically "for high-profile individuals who had earned the attention and admiration of Russian President Vladimir Putin."

Funeral Savings Accounts to Play Critical Role in Trumpcare

LAST UPDATED @ 11:26AM (3.18.2017)

"The Republican healthcare plan is completely unworkable without the Funeral Savings Accounts. It all comes down without them." - House Speaker Paul Ryan 

Funeral Savings Accounts critical to Trumpcare.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the White House confirmed reports Funeral Savings Accounts will play a lead role in Trumpcare. "Non-negotiable" was the word used by the president to show his commitment to giving millions of Americans the savings accounts to help survivors pay for the funerals resulting from Trumpcare health insurance plans.

"Americans are going to have the most amazing, tippy-top healthcare ever; believe me. That's why Funeral Savings Accounts are non-negotiable and must be a part of the final law. A lot of people are going to need them," Trump explained exclusively to employees of Fox News and Breitbart.

Trump Loses Evidence of Obama Wiretapping Up His Own Ass

LAST UPDATED @ 6:02PM (3.7.2017)

Donald Trump will release evidence President Obama illegally wiretapped Trump Tower once it is found and can be safely extracted from his ass.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Donald Trump declared he had lost the evidence of President Obama illegally wiretapping Trump Tower during the 2016 presidential election. Trump asserted he had lost the evidence that proved his accusation deep inside his derriere.

"I have the very real and shocking evidence of President Obama illegally wiretapping Trump Tower, but have temporarily lost it up my ass," Trump told a preselected group of news organizations that had recently said nice things about him.