11.09.2016

Hillary to Burn Haunted Pantsuits Worn during Failed 2016 Campaign

LAST UPDATED @ 2:35PM  (11.9.2016)

Hillary Clinton blames cursed pantsuits for her loss to Donald Trump.

Hillary Clinton | Wikipedia
Hillary wears one of the pantsuits to be burned while testifying before Congress on 10.22.2015.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, failed Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton announced she intended to burn all of the pantsuits she wore during her second failed run for the presidency. Secretary Clinton asserted her loss to Donald Trump was largely due to the pantsuits she wore being cursed.

"I am convinced Donald Trump beat me on Election Day because the pantsuits I wore throughout the campaign were haunted sentient beings that doomed me to fail," explained Secretary Clinton.


Clinton continued, "I promise all Americans that I will burn my cursed pantsuits so they will not be able to stop me from getting into the White House when I run again in 2020."

Secretary Clinton said she considered donating her haunted pantsuits to the less needy, but was convinced it was too dangerous to her 2020 aspirations."


"I thought about sending the cursed pantsuits to Haiti, Zambia, or maybe Azerbaijan like a losing team's championship t-shirts, but am committed to having them incinerated," confessed Clinton.

The pantsuits will be burned in a solemn private ceremony at Clinton's residence in Chappaqua, New York.

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