The Islamic State says it will not attack the Rio 2016 Olympics, because it is 'too soft' a target.
RIO DE JANEIRO (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Islamic State (ISIS) announced it will not be attacking the Rio 2016 Olympics due to the event being "too easy" for it to terrorize. The extremist Muslim terrorist organization also declared it felt bad for Brazilians, because the deplorable security environment expected at the 2016 Summer Olympics showed they lack respect for themselves.
"ISIS will not be launching any terrorist attacks at the Rio 2016 Olympics. It's just too easy. Frankly, targeting Rio is beneath us, and we would actually lose cred with other terrorist organizations," declared a man in all black clothing, who was also wearing a mask.
The masked man continued, "The Islamic State actually pities Rio, because the laughable security situation there shows its lack respect for itself. It is beneath us to target it with terrorism. We've never seen a softer target."
"Brazilians should be ashamed of themselves. And don't even get us started on the raw sewage in Rio's water," warned the ISIS spokesman.
Multiple Brazilians confirmed reports they were both exceedingly relieved and apocalyptically offended by the ISIS statements.
"ISIS hopes to boost our recruitment in Brazil, due to it being a failed state," explained the masked man.