Prison companies to turn all Kansas public schools into for-profit prisons while Kansans can opt to not educate children at all.
TOPEKA, KANSAS (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Kansas Governor Sam Brownback signed a bill into law closing all Kansas public schools and selling the buildings to for-profit prison corporations. The law also permanently closed the Kansas State Department of Education, ordered the arrest of public school employees, and outlawed any academic standards.
"I am proud to announce the government's K-12 schools are officially closed in Kansas. Public education employees are urged to turn themselves into police, as warrants have been issued for their arrest," announced Governor Brownback.
Brownback continued, "All school buildings have been sold to for-profit prison corporations, which will turn them into high-quality prisons. These prisons will house violent offenders and former public education employees."
"Kansans knows how to best educate their children, and they can now choose not to educate them at all," explained Brownback.
Governor Brownback called the new law "a victory for the freedom to be woefully ignorant, as well as a lifelong Republican."
Brownback expected to sign another law next week to sell public colleges to the Koch brothers, who would demolish them and turn the campuses into junkyards for renewable energy materials like solar panels and wind turbines.