Fox News Wants Clinton-Trump Debate in Benghazi

LAST UPDATED @ 5:22PM (6.27.2016)

Benghazi is perfect place for fair and balanced presidential debate, according to Fox News CEO Roger Ailes.

Fox 'News'
Fox News scouts out site of Benghazi debate.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Fox News announced it wanted to host a presidential debate between Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Hillary Clinton in Benghazi, Libya. The spurious news network declared Benghazi would be the perfect place for Trump and Clinton to discuss American foreign policy sometime in October.

"Fox News has real journalists, and is not a propaganda network that incessantly disseminates right-wing talking points. Our team wants to give Americans the most fair and balanced debate between presidential candidates in the history America," declared Fox News CEO Roger Ailes.


Trump Tax Docs Show 2015 Net Worth of $79.26

LAST UPDATED @ 1:47PM (6.22.2016)

Donald Trump was worth $79.26 in 2015 when accounting for all of his expenses and outstanding debts.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, presumptive Republican presidential nominee and alleged billionaire Donald Trump released his latest tax documents. The 2015 documents - currently being audited by the IRS - showed Trump was worth $79.26.

"Donald Trump claimed he made $2.3 million last year, but that was just his revenue. When factoring in expenses, Trump actually lost $21.7 million in 2015," reported Senior TNA Researcher Dick Schneider.


Sarah Palin Hired as Trump Campaign Manager

LAST UPDATED @ 7:24PM (6.20.2016)

Sarah Palin promises Trump campaign will go through 'Real America' to fire up king-size voting gangs composed exclusively of Whites in November.

Sarah Palin speaking at the 2014 CPAC in Maryland. (Above) 
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Sarah Palin was hired to be Donald Trump's presidential campaign manager. Trump hired the 2008 Republican vice presidential candidate and former Governor of Alaska after firing Corey Lewandowski earlier in the day.

"I am just so darn happy-proud to be running the Trump train now. We're gonna change America even if we have to take most Americans kickin' and screamin' there," said Sarah Palin at her first press conference as Trump campaign manager.


Americans Surprised to Learn They Have Been at War in Iraq for Over 25 Years

LAST UPDATED @ 5:16PM (6.16.2016)

Most Americans are shocked to learn their country has been at war in Iraq for over 25 years.

Location of American war lasting over a quarter of a century. (Above)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a TNA study discovered the United States had been at war in Iraq for over 25 years. TNA determined the perpetual war in Iraq had started with Operation Desert Storm in 1991.

"Over 81% of Americans didn't even realize it's just one big evolving war in Iraq where we try to fix our mistakes and only seem to make it worse. It's been going on for over a quarter of a century now," reported Senior TNA Researcher Dick Schneider.


"Unbelievable" and "Shocking" Used without Irony to Describe Latest American Mass Shooting

 LAST UPDATED @ 4:20PM (6.12.2016)

A number of Americans and media outlets were somehow shocked and unable to believe there was another mass shooting in the United States.

2016 Orlando Nightclub shooting | Wikipedia
The scene of the latest American mass shooting. (Above)

ORLANDO, FLORIDA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a number of Americans and corporate news outlets were not intentionally being sarcastic when they described the latest mass shooting in the United States as "unbelievable" and "shocking."

"This is unbelievable. This kind of thing never happens in the United States," said Mandy Hammer, who awoke this morning from a coma she had been in for over fifty years.


Trump Preselling America's Nuclear Weapons to Any Country with Enough Money

LAST UPDATED @ 10:51PM (6.10.2016)

Donald Trump is preselling America's nuclear arsenal in anticipation of becoming president and making America great again.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, presumptive Republican presidential candidate and alleged billionaire Donald Trump confirmed he was preselling weapons from America's nuclear arsenal to any country that could afford them.

"We have too many nuclear weapons. We have so many nuclear weapons that there is no way we can use even close to all of the ones we have," declared Trump.


Corporate Media Really Sick of Bernie Sanders, Democracy

LAST UPDATED @ 8:03PM  (6.7.2016)

American corporate media tired of humoring the American people with charade of democracy.

Bernie Sanders speaking at an event in Phoenix, Arizona. 
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the American corporate media syndicate confirmed its patience had been exhausted regarding democracy and Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont. The propaganda network announced it would declare former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton the winner of the Democratic presidential nomination in order to end the charade.

"We're done humoring the American people with this representative democracy thing," declared Arnold Titan, an intern speaking on behalf of CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox, and many other American propaganda outlets.


Trump University Students Have Reunion at Bankruptcy Court

LAST UPDATED @ 6:50PM (6.3.2016)

Two Trump University students have an impromptu reunion at bankruptcy court.

Trump University | Wikipedia
Trump University has significantly changed the lives of its students.

ALBANY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, two former Trump University students had an unscheduled reunion while waiting for their turn to tell a judge at bankruptcy court how they lost all of their money to the presumptive Republican presidential nominee.

Ronald Ford, 76, and Mary Rodgers, 89, both from Albany, recounted their highly memorable experiences while enrolled at Trump University.


10 Americans Die from Lack of Healthcare while Corporate Media Runs Trump Speech Live

LAST UPDATED @ 12:20PM (6.1.2016)

Corporate media continues to use Trump to keep Americans focused on issues like whether Rosie O'Donnell is a wildebeest.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the corporate media ran a live speech by presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump while ten Americans died due to lack of access to healthcare in the richest country in the history of humanity.

Trump took advantage of his 11,906th opportunity for free media exposure by asserting Rosie O'Donnell was a wildebeest, calling House Speaker Paul Ryan a "complete loser," and defending the defunct Trump University, which he called a "super-classy school for super-classy people."


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