An inebriated U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham humbly accepts the Republican presidential nomination.
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| U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham (R). (Above) (Public Domain Image) |
"I just received calls from Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, who both conceded the Republican presidential nomination to me," declared a slurring Lindsey Graham, who held a mint julep in his left hand and a bottle of Jim Beam in his right.
Senator Graham continued, "Now let's crush Hillary Sanders and win the White House so I can unleash a disastrous series of wars around the globe, and further destroy personal liberties here in the greatest nation in the world."
"Because real Americans sacrifice their liberties for a false sense of security... anyway, I'm very happy to make this announcement in the Corinth Tavern with so many close friends," explained Graham.
An unidentified member of the press asked Graham if he knew he was in a church rather than a tavern, and that he was the only person there without press credentials.
"That would explain the pews," replied Graham, who laughed before saying either John McCain or his sister would be his running mate.
The Republican National Committee urged Republicans to fall in line behind Graham.