3.14.2016

Trump to Give Every Supporter at Rallies Aluminum "Freedom Bat"

LAST UPDATED @ 8:28AM (3.14.2016)

Donald Trump announces he will give a high-quality, Chinese-made aluminum baseball bat - dubbed a "Freedom Bat" - to every supporter at his rallies to protect their freedoms from protesters.

Donald Trump speaking at 2015 CPAC.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential frontrunner and megalomaniac billionaire Donald Trump announced he planned to give every supporter at his rallies a complimentary "Freedom Bat." Trump promised the Chinese-made aluminum baseball bats would be gifted to supporters at all rallies to protect everyone's freedoms from protesters.

"We can't make America great again with these protesters constantly calling me out for my hate speech and interfering with all of us having a fantastic, hugely great time during my amazing rallies," declared Trump to a much smaller crowd than the one Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders attracted earlier in the day.


Trump continued, "So starting right here and now, I will be giving every Trump supporter a 'Freedom Bat' to protect our freedoms from Bernie Sanders and his liberal minions. I will also pay the legal bills of anyone who finds it necessary to use their high-quality, Chinese-made Freedom Bat against a protester."

"Now let's get back to how all of your problems are the fault of the poor and brown people, and not super-rich predators like me robbing you blind every single day of your miserable hate-driven lives," explained Trump to a cheering crowd.


An unidentified member of the press found Trump after the rally, and asked him if giving his hate-filled supporters baseball bats only encouraged them to react violently against protesters.

"No. And I wish I was surprised the media would ask that," replied Trump. "I can't give people who love me a gift to protect their rights? Why don't you want America to be great again?"

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