2.16.2016

Far Right Asserts Scalia Murdered By Brainwashed Bald Eagle

LAST UPDATED @ 1:15PM (2.16.2016)

Far-right radio personalities tell their audiences Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was murdered by a bald eagle that was brainwashed by the government.

Bald Eagle - Wikipedia
A bald eagle up to no good in Kodiak, Alaska. (Above)
PHOTO:  Yathin S. Krishnappa

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, far-right radio personalities claimed the death of Justice Antonin Scalia was part of an elaborate plan concocted by the White House to appoint a liberal replacement to the Supreme Court. The notable far-right rabble rousers asserted Scalia was assassinated by a government-brainwashed bald eagle, which stealthily entered Scalia's room, suffocated him with his own pillow, and hastily flew back outside to freedom.

"I think anyone with a rational mind knows Justice Antonin Scalia was the victim of a bald eagle specifically brainwashed and trained to get in, do the job, and get out without a trace of evidence being left behind," explained right-wing drama queen Michael (Alan Weiner) Savage.


Renowned right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones added, "We all know President Obama was behind this. If he doesn't get impeached now, I don't know what he can be impeached for. It's time for the cowards in Congress to listen to We the People and protect America."

"I think every American should demand an investigation into the cause of Justice Scalia's death. It should be just like the Warren Commission," declared mentally unstable right-wing crier Glenn Beck.


Savage, Jones, and Beck all asserted the complete lack of evidence implicating a brainwashed bald eagle and President Obama was their evidence, and noted the bald eagle was still at large.

Family members of Savage, Jones, and Beck were still trying to involuntary commit them at press time.

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