1.24.2016

Michigan Gov. Snyder Wondering Why No Flint Parade in His Honor

LAST UPDATED @ 5:15PM (1.24.2016)

Republican Governor of Michigan Rick Snyder says he wonders when the people of Flint are going to have a parade to celebrate his rapid, nearly-two-years-in-the-making response to them being poisoned by a water source his austerity measures and hand-selected emergency manager forced upon their city.

Rick Snyder - Wikipedia
Michigan Governor Rick Snyder (R). (Above)
He switched Flint's public water source to 
the Flint River to save money.

FLINT, MICHIGAN (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Governor of Michigan Rick Snyder (R) declared  he was surprised the citizens of Flint had not arranged a parade to honor his quick response to them being poisoned by largely untreated water from a polluted source his hand-selected emergency manager had chosen. Snyder touted his rapid, nearly-two-years-in-the-making response to Flint citizens complaining about their toxic drinking water almost immediately after the city was forced by austerity measures to switch its public water source to the Flint River in April of 2014.

"I think the people of Flint are being a little selfish by only thinking about themselves and their children being poisoned by toxic water they are still being charged for," said Governor Snyder, who confirmed he was not making any real effort to provide the people of Flint with safe bottled war.


Snyder sighed before asking, "Where is the parade in my honor to thank me for acting so quickly to respond to a crisis my austerity measures created?"

"Instead, people are suing me for ignoring people who whined about their kids being poisoned by lead," explained Snyder.

"Now I am being told bacteria in Flint's water probably led to deaths courtesy of Legionnaires' disease," stated Snyder.


An unidentified member of the press asked Snyder if he would drink Flint's water, which was essentially toxic waste.

"If it's just a matter of being afraid to ask me to have a parade in my honor, let me assure you it is okay," replied Snyder.

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