1.05.2016

Hillary Criticizes Bernie's Plan to Break Up Her Friends' Banks

LAST UPDATED @ 10:33PM (1.5.2016)

Hillary Clinton asserts it will be unfair to her bankster friends if they cannot steal money from the commercial bank accounts of regular Americans to make extremely risky investments, because then they would lose their own money for making poor business decisions and not get to stick taxpayers with the bill.

Hillary Clinton testifying before House Select Committee on Benghazi. (Above)
(Public Domain Image)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton criticized rival U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont for "picking on" her bankster friends who run the financial institutions responsible for the 2008 economic crisis. Clinton took serious issue with Sanders' plan to break up commercial and investment banks, because that would prevent her bankster pals from using the bank deposits of regular Americans to make extremely risky investments and stick American taxpayers with the bill when they lose big.


"Bernie Sanders wants to prevent my good friends, and largest donors, from taking money in the commercial bank accounts of everyday Americans so their investment banks can gamble on high-risk deals and make American taxpayers suffer the consequences if it all goes bust," declared Clinton, whose face was red with anger at the prospect of her friends losing their own money in bad business deals.


Clinton continued, "By breaking up commercial and investment banks, Bernie Sanders will reinstate regulation that was put in place following the Great Depression and may very well have been able to avoid the 2008 financial meltdown caused by the widespread fraud and greed of my good friends on Wall Street. You know, if it hadn't been repealed."


"I really think my plan to charge banks a few menial fines and tell them to 'cut it out' every once in a while will be far more effective than Bernie Sanders' plan to actually address serious lapses in financial regulation that place the American economy at risk of meltdown every day," explained Clinton.


An unidentified member of the press asked Secretary Clinton if her close relationships with her bankster friends constituted a conflict of interest when it came to the matter of regulating the financial sector.


"Not at all. My Wall Street friends have used the money of everyday Americans to invest in me, and it is not unreasonable for them to expect something back in return," replied Clinton.

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