Trump and Cruz Both Claim to be the Man to Curb Most Civil Liberties

LAST UPDATED @ 11:01PM (12.26.2015)

Trump asserts "there is no way Rafael Edward Cruz will rob Americans of more freedoms than I will. No way."

Senator Ted Cruz at 2014 CPAC. Cruz claims to be more anti-liberty than Trump.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and U.S. Senator Ted Cruz of Texas both claimed to be the person who wanted to curb the most civil liberties. The two privately conceded it was critical for the eventual Republican presidential nominee to secure the block of conservative voters that routinely claimed a Democratic president was taking their freedoms away, but enthusiastically volunteered their freedoms to a Republican president while caught up in a nationalistic fervor.

"Ted Cruz and I are very good friends, but there is no way he is going to take away more civil liberties from Americans than I will. Everyone knows keeping Americans safe is more important than some stupid freedoms," declared Trump, who paused for his supporters to applaud.

Trump continued, "All I have to say is Christians and white guys have nothing to worry about. Everyone else may want to be careful. If you think our local police are too militarized, and our justice system is too corrupt and racist right now, just wait. Huge things are coming."

Senator Cruz refused to comment on Donald Trump's assertion Cruz was "not even an American citizen, but just some stupid Cuban Canuck who was not born in America and will very likely find out firsthand how many civil liberties I will be ending."

"Donald Trump and I are very close friends, but he lacks the practical experience in law and politics to truly know how to make groups like Christians and Caucasians privileged groups of citizens," explained Cruz, who smiled creepily.

Trump responded to Cruz's comment on his lack of experience by asserting he was "not afraid to skip a few steps to get things done."


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