Dr. Carson was unavailable to the press for the entire day after losing his slacks during a unicorn safari in his kitchen.
|Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson. (Above)|
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the struggling Republican presidential campaign of neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson announced the candidate would not be available to the press for the entire day. The press had been waiting for planned remarks from Dr. Carson when reporters were told he had lost his pants while hunting a unicorn in his kitchen.
"Unfortunately, Dr. Carson will be unavailable to the press today. He has decided to spend his day searching for a pair of slacks he lost in his kitchen," stated Jimmy Lang, a campaign staffer no longer receiving a paycheck.
Lang continued, "The slacks were lost during a safari targeting a unicorn Dr. Carson claims has been following him around since about late October. He blames it for his plummeting poll numbers."
"I am happy to answer any questions not related to Dr. Carson losing his pants while hunting a unicorn in his larger-than-average kitchen, " said Lang.
Numerous members of the press were called on by Lang, but all questions focused on the banned topics of the unicorn safari and missing slacks.
"Fine. This is a serious campaign dealing with serious issues. I'm going back inside to help Dr. Carson find his slacks," declared Lang.