12.09.2015

Preliminary GOP Healthcare Plan Slated for Unveiling in 2219

LAST UPDATED @ 8:20PM (12.9.2015)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ryan
Paul Ryan speaking at CPAC in March 2014. (Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI-01) declared Congressional Republicans will unveil their preliminary plan to replace Obamacare in 2219. Ryan urged Americans not to be concerned about Republicans incessantly attempting to kill the Affordable Care Act, because a plan to replace President Obama's signature healthcare law was already in the pipeline.


"Americans can rest assured that Congressional Republicans aren't just going to destroy the Affordable Care Act and not replace it with something else. That would be immoral and definitely the last thing we would do to earn major political points with low-information voters," announced Ryan, who had still not taken care of his beard.


Speaker Ryan added, "I just want Americans to know that there may be a brief gap of time between Congressional Republicans ripping healthcare away from Americans, and the Republican replacement being passed into law."


"In 2219, Congressional Republicans will have the framework for our alternative to Obamacare. At that time, we will begin to discuss the specifics, which may only take a few more decades," explained Ryan, as he curled two 25-pound dumbbells to work on his biceps.


An unidentified member of the press asked Ryan if he thought Americans were going to be willing to wait over 200 years for a loose framework of Republican healthcare legislation to be unveiled.


Ryan smirked before stating, "I don't see how Americans will have much of a choice but to do just that."

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