12.17.2015

Trump's Minions Want Guy to Drink with Prior to Assaulting Muslims

LAST UPDATED @ 5:27PM (12.17.2016)

Donald Trump speaking at the 2015 CPAC in Maryland on 2.27.2015. 
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, TNA released the results of a survey of Donald Trump supporters to discover their primary reason for supporting the billionaire Republican presidential candidate. Just over 93% of the surveyed Trump supporters confessed they wanted "someone cool" to have a few drinks with prior to a busy night of assaulting suspected Muslims, as well as anyone seemingly not white, Christian, and/or American enough.


"As with all of our studies related to Donald Trump supporters, this one was very troubling and left the TNA research team extremely pessimistic for the future of America. I am pretty sure the inner child inside of every person who works for me has died or been placed into a permanent coma," explained Senior TNA Researcher Dick Schneider, who disclosed his inner child had also not been spared.


Dr. Schneider grudgingly continued, "Let's get this over with... So big surprise... 93.4% of Trump's supporters like him, because they think he would be a swell guy to drink with prior to a fun-filled night of assaulting Muslims, in addition to non-Muslims deemed 'un-American.'  I imagine the drunken xenophobes will make those decisions on the fly, as the Founders no doubt wanted."


"Burning down a few mosques, and maybe even one of two Jewish temples was also on the itinerary for some in the nest of vipers we found that supports Trump. Of course, all of this would occur after pregaming their night of hate and violence at a bar that isn't a dive, but also isn't too expensive, unless Trump is paying the bill," stated Schenider.


Once his request for a leave of absence through the holidays was approved, Schneider offered one additional disturbing thing he learned from the survey of highly-likely Republican primary voters.



"These Trump supporters are more unlearned and ignorant than I originally thought. And they are much too lazy to check whether what they think is true actual is true," said Schneider.


The Trump supporters did criticize the billionaire by complaining there should be a uniform for them to wear, most likely a brown one - Trump's favorite color.

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