12.03.2015

Cow Dung Bust of Dick Cheney Unveiled, Iraqis Throw Shoes at It

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a cow dung bust of former Vice President Dick Cheney was unveiled in the Capitol Visitor Center's Emancipation Hall. The unveiling ceremony attracted the likes of former President George W. Bush and Iraqi dignitaries, who threw their shoes at both the cow dung representation of Cheney and Cheney himself.


"I am pretty honored to speak in front of you all today to unveil this cow dung bust of me, which honors my legacy of endless war and war profiteering. It doesn't even smell that bad, and I am wondering if only the outside is dyed white or all of the cow dung is dyed white," declared Cheney, who ducked as a fresh volley of shoes was thrown at him.


Cheney added, "It's weird that this thing is smiling, though. I don't do that. Anyway, I want to use this occasion to remind all Americans that I kept them safe, except on 9/11, of course. But after that, all the torturing and the wars that made me and my friends rich also kept you ungrateful wretches safe."

Dick Cheney
Cheney speaks at Camp Anaconda, Iraq in 2008. Credit: Magnus Manske

"I also want to take this opportunity to criticize President Obama, who has still not invaded Iran or any other country in the Middle East. His presidency is almost over, and I don't know what he is thinking," stated Cheney, as he narrowly avoided being hit by another wave of shoes.


George W. Bush honored Cheney by stating, "I'm sure glad the Iraqis were throwing shoes at Dick and not me this time. I just found out it is not a compliment like I thought, but a show of strong disrespect. I still don't get why Iraqis would be mad at either of us."


Near the end of his verbal remarks, Cheney confessed, "I can definitely smell a little cow manure now."

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