"My Jeb is not going on that stage again unless I am with him. I have seen him lose enough debates, and this losing streak ends tonight," declared a stern Barbara Bush, who was - bar none - the most feared person to be in attendance at tonight's 9PM Republican debate.
|The Republican candidates were very upset after the last debate.|
An increasingly combative, red-faced Barbara Bush continued, "If that Marco Rubio thinks he can bully my child and get away with it, he better watch out. I have no problem with hitting brats, and that goes for that clown Trump and everyone else on stage tonight."
"I will be protecting my son tonight, because the CNBC moderators were trying to crucify him like he was an American Jesus. He is, but that's not the point," stated Rafael Cruz, who is exactly what one might expect Senator Ted Cruz's father to be like.
Retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson claimed Japanese Prime Minister Hideki Tojo would stand next to him tonight, despite the fact Tojo was executed in December 1948 for war crimes.
Billionaire Donald Trump announced his lawyer would be standing next to him on stage, and "maybe that guy who spit in the face of an immigration protester at one of my rallies."
The moderators for tonight's debate did not return TNA's request for comment.