11.04.2015

Islamic State Sends U.S. Letter of Thanks for Weapons

LAST UPDATED @ 10:36PM (11.4.2015)

The letter of gratitude is the Islamic State's third message of appreciation to the United States, which has announced it will stop "helping" Iraq until the Iraqis stop losing custody of the weapons they are gifted.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the White House received a letter from its enemy the Islamic State expressing the Islamic extremist group's gratitude for additional American military equipment, which it had easily captured from the fleeing Iraqi military. President Obama quickly responded to the letter of thanks from the Islamic State by warning Iraq "the arms gift shop is closed until Iraqis stop regifting American weapons of war to the Islamic State."


"While America has inferior pickup trucks compared to the Toyota trucks we like, the United States does have some great weapons. We just want to thank you for another shipment of weapons, President Obama," read a portion of the letter from the Islamic State.

The alleged location of "Muhammad Moon Base 1" run by the Islamic State, as reported in July.
The Islamic State letter continued, "If it is easier, you can just deliver the weapons directly to the us, rather than have us chase the Iraqi army away and then seize them. You know, get rid of the middleman. We can give you an address. Just a thought."


President Obama was adamant the United States would no longer arm the Islamic State, and stated, "I don't know why the Iraqis can't actually just use the weapons we are giving them instead of running away from them, so weapon delivers are over."

Soon after the president announced his new policy on weapons, the Islamic State declared, "Don't think your weapons are the only ones out here, America. We have a diversified arms portfolio and are also flush with Russian weapons."


Russia claimed it "had no idea" how weapons it had given to Iran and Syria had fallen into the Islamic State's hands.

American and Russian arms manufacturers were "thrilled" more weapons would be needed to destroy the weapons they had already manufactured.

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