11.26.2015

GOP Thankful for Sabotaged Education System Keeping Party Viable

LAST UPDATED @ 2:12PM (11.25.2015)

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Republican National Committee (RNC) declared it was thankful for an American education system so broken and preoccupied by standardized testing it helped the Republican Party remain a viable political party. The RNC also claimed responsibility for the endless attacks on public education, which have effectively sabotaged efforts to create a well-informed citizenry.


"The GOP is very thankful for America's awful education system. Sabotaging the education system was a critical part of our plan to keep the party relevant and viable despite its naked racism, sexism, anti-intellectualism, and general aversion to objective reality," explained RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.


Priebus continued, "We've made sure very few Americans will become well-informed citizens, and we have done it by keeping educators too busy worrying about things like standardized tests and how they are going to pay for classroom supplies public school systems can no longer afford."

Republican Party
The GOP is thankful for America's education system keeping it viable.

"The Republican Party is also responsible for funneling money to absolutely terrible charter schools in order to hurt public schools even more. Good luck creating that educated citizenry that is critical to a functional democracy," stated Priebus, who smirked.



Priebus confessed keeping the GOP a viable political party was not limited to sabotaging education, and also required a right-wing propaganda network telling Americans not to trust experts while convincing them they are the informed ones.


"You bet the GOP is thankful for outlets like Fox News, but sabotaging the education system helps make Americans more susceptible to the alternate reality and Republican Party mythology they promote," said Priebus.


The Republican Party declared it was hopeful its sabotaging of the American education system coupled with its propaganda network would result in a Republican president-elect by this time next year.

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