10.09.2015

House Teabaggers to Burn Down Capitol Building Oct 31st

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, teabaggers in the House of Representatives stated they "didn't care" who was the next Speaker of the House and announced their intention to burn down the Capitol Building after years of failing to completely paralyze the government, make it default on its debts, and destroy the American economy. The teabagging members of Congress explained they "were tired" of trying to use "unAmerican and unpatriotic law-based methods" to impose their uncompromising extreme-right objectives on the country, and were "being forced to burn down the Capitol Building by Republican liberals."


"We have tried yelling, not compromising, yelling some more, throwing things, not compromising some more, and just being some of the most unpleasant and deranged people possible to get what we want. Well, it is just not working so as the true American patriots teabaggers are, we have concluded burning down the Capitol Building is our only recourse," explained Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX-01), who appeared to have a mild twitch.

The place teabaggers intend to burn down on October 31st (above).
Capitol Building by Peter Griffin.

Gohmert added, "What would the vast majority of the American people, who do not support teabaggers like me in any way, have us do? The pain we have already inflicted upon the country through our punitive austerity and disruptive non-governance isn't nearly enough for us. We want to go way bigger and tear the entire country down."


"I am listening very carefully to the teabaggers in the House, and weighing whether I would like to run for Speaker of the House so they can constantly blame their failure to destroy the nation on me," stated Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI-01), who claimed there was "probably some middle ground" on burning the Capitol Building down.

House teabaggers invited all Americans to the nation's capital on October 31st to witness them burn the Capitol Building down in childish rage to "exorcise the demons in its halls," and the event has already been heavily promoted by Fox News and other right-wing propaganda outlets.


Speaker of the House John Boehner stated he was "not opposed" to burning down the Capitol Building, as he concluded the lack of a legislature would get him "off the hook" from having to remain in his position, which no one wanted.

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