"Secretary Clinton ingested shrooms before stating she no longer supported a trade deal she worked on for years. Hillary also thought she was being followed by a polka dotted bear that was spitting fire at her while it played a banjo, and that has about as much footing in reality as her opposition to TPP," stated Maxwell Jinks, a senior staffer working for the Clinton campaign.
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| Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. (Above) (Photo: U.S. Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Chad J. McNeeley) |
Jinks continued, "The campaign remains unaware of how Secretary Clinton came into contact with the shrooms, and is conducting an internal investigation into that matter. The American people should disregard what Hillary said about not supporting TPP anymore. Even we know it's a ridiculous claim."
Clinton briefly addressed the press regarding being under the influence of shrooms.
"Obviously, if I said I no longer supported TPP that would be a clear indication to Americans that I cannot be trusted, because I will say and do anything to be elected president. I'll try to make sure I never ingest shrooms again," said Clinton.
Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders applauded Clinton for being honest and admitting she still supported TPP, which he has vehemently opposed from the beginning. He also "wished her the best of luck" in her struggle to avoid ingesting shrooms.