10.31.2015

Hillary to Wear Walmart Cashier Costume for Halloween

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she will dress up as a Walmart cashier for Halloween. Clinton declared her costume selection was meant to inform Americans she sat on Walmart's board of directors from 1986 to 1992, and was complicit in outsourcing American jobs to foreign sweatshops while she actively worked against labor unions.


"Another labor union just gave its support to me today. I don't know which one, but it really doesn't matter. And to prove how much it doesn't matter, I am going to dress up as a Walmart cashier tonight to give my Wall Street friends a good laugh," stated Clinton, who also confessed she had "done pretty much next to nothing" to improve working conditions at Walmart for women.

 "Defense.gov photo essay 091203-N-0696M-239" by U.S. Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Chad J. McNeeley.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. (Above)
(Photo: U.S. Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Chad J. McNeeley)

Clinton continued, "Tonight is going to be a real hoot. Maybe I will even get a labor union endorsement while I am wearing my American wage-slave costume. These unions are such chumps, and can't be bothered to do a little research on my history at Walmart, never mind my ongoing close ties to the same financial institutions that nearly took down the economy in 2008."


"So they are just like the vast majority of my supporters, who are either in denial about my progressive qualifications or try to defend by positions. I don't want to break up the banks that have been designated as "too big to fail," refuse to expand Social Security, and support the death penalty," confessed Clinton, who shrugged.

"I considered dressing up as Bernie Sanders, but decided my friends in the financial sector probably would not have appreciated the scare," explained Clinton.


Former President Bill Clinton was reportedly going to dress up as his former lover Monica Lewinsky, despite Hillary telling him it was "too soon."

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